Nesslays
by popsiclecream795
Summary: The long? awaited sequel to DDD's Donuts! Only a week after all the previous events, Dedede decides to put up his store for rent, to whoever wanted to use it. (Friendverse AU)
1. Auhs

**Author(s)' Note: Hey, look! The sequel is here... Though only 3 of us will be writing. The other thought this was too cancerous.**

Chapter 1 - "Auhs"

"For Rent: Abandoned Store: 200 smash coins a week."

The sign said as Dedede put it up.

It's one week since all those incidents have happened.

"Better get away from this place and it's bad luck."

Suddenly, Ness appears from the corner from the store.

"I'd like to rent the store for an idea I got while showering."

Ness hands Dedede 600 coins for the next three weeks.

Dedede inhales and says, "Boy, where did you get these?"

"My dad."

In a flashback Ness was explaining, Ness received his money from an ATM machine.

"That's a lot of money!" Said Lucas.

"Yeah. My dad gave it to me. Don't your parents give you money?"

"Bye Ness!" Said Lucas, holding back tears.

In the current world, Dedede said, "So that's how."

"Yep."

"What's your idea?"

"A chips-dipping-in-coffee shop called "NessLays"."

"Oh."

"Yep."

"I'll give you the keys and leave now. My auhs hurts."

Dedede starts waddling away, while four meters away, Ness suddenly asks.

"What's auhs?"

"Oh, nothing kid, you're too young."

"Hey! I'm thirteen!"

Ness then tries reading Dedede's mind but it was no use.

Later, Ness was moving in a sofa chair into the store. Lucas suddenly enters the store.

"Hiya Ness."

"Please don't say that."

Ness then remembers something important.

"Lucas, what is auhs?"

"Oh boy, you don't know? Ha!"

Ness tries reading Lucas's mind, but he has already run off, away from the 1 meter distance he can read.

After three hours, Ness finished arranging his store.

"Now, this store's open!"

After waiting for a few hours, someone finally walks in.

"Hi." said Villager. "Is this a chip company or a coffee place? Nobody can tell from the brand name or something."

"It's a chip-dipping company place."

"Oh."

"You dip your chips in coffee."

"Oh, okay! I get it now."

Villager goes up to the counter.

"Here's the menu!"

"Huh."

Villager thinks for a while and says, "I actually just wanted to greet you."

"Oh."

"Bye."

"Wait, what's auhs?"

But it was too late, nobody wanted to tell him what auhs meant.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." Villager replied

Ness then went out into the wild to find the true meaning of auhs.

He visited the mansion, finding Fox and Toon Link arguing.

"What's up, guys? And what's auhs?" Asked Ness.

"Ugh. Get away identity creep." Said Fox to Toon Link.

"Why? What's wrong?" Toon Link said while snickering.

"You're a goddamn furry if you try to dress up like me."

"Haha! Look at that soft fur! Mmm!" Said Toon Link.

"I'll leave you two now to your dress-up game." Said Ness.

"This is not called dress-up, it's called cosplaying. This furry right here isn't taking it seriously, his gun isn't in the right scale." Said Fox.

"It doesn't matter." Said Toon Link.

"Yes, it does."

"No."

"Yes."

"It doesn't matter for now. Let's just dress up!" Said Ness.

"Okay! Who are you gonna be?"

"I don't know, and I don't even know why I want to join so I won't. by the way, what's auhs?"

"RUN! HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT AUHS IS!" Yelled Fox.

Instead of running, they just moved a meter away from him and they continued their argument.

"Why won't anyone tell me what it means?"

"GUYS, WARIO'S SHOWING HIS AUHS AT THE WARIOCON!" Yelled Falco.

It was only then he realized that everyone except him was cosplaying, though most are only wearing their palette swaps.

Ness then sadly went back to his restaurant.

As he went back, he saw Link pass by.

"HAH! HYAAH!" ( Hey, sup? You coming to WarioCon?)

"I wasn't invited. So I guess not."

"AAHH!" (Why not host an event instead?)

"I am, but nobody signed up to perform yet."

Suddenly, Dedede appeared out of nowhere.

"I'd join!"

"Okey."

"Why aren't you at the con?" Asked Ness.

"Nobody came with me." Said Dedede.

Later that night, the event was hosted. Not many came, as most went to WarioCon. Those who did attend were still wearing their cosplays.

"So this one's a song you haven't before, here's Dedede with his new song he created in fifteen minutes, it's called "Sheik Your Auhs". I don't know what auhs means but anyway, here's Dedede."

Everyone applauded, then silence.

\-- Sing-A-Long Time! --

Auhs, Zeldee, auhs, Zeldee, your auhs is rounder than a Smash ball

I fantasize, lot dirtier than a Sonic fanfiction.

You are much hotter and taller than the lava in Norfair

Yes, I'm Donkey, here with Diddy and you're getting a thumbs up

Yup, I've got a gun bigger than Falco's ol' blaster, stronger than that lil' Mii Gunner

I want you smothered, and covered in my big Dedede arms

Hard just for you like Yoshi, just like Ness's NessLays's sales, I'm inclined

To make me rise my Big D burly to the top of the tier list

Fox and smash, Zeldee, yeah, that's what we'll do-o

Sheik your auhs, Zeldee, just like the taunt of Wario-o

Fox and smash, Zeldee, yeah, that's what we'll do-o

Sheik your auhs, Zeldee, just like the taunt of Wario-o

Wood, the thing I have that makes Villager jealous

You make me feel electrified just like your sweetspotted Lightning Kicks

Wet, just like in your deep, deep water levels, I wannabe there, with lit-tle waddle dees

But I heard your seas are strong so I got me Tetra's boat

I will ride you high in my big ol' Halberd ship

So prepare yourself, because I cannot lose you

Game on. Yes, want some because my eggplant's not for ice

My massive purple Pikmin will burrow in crevice

Fox and smash, Zeldee, yeah, that's what we'll do-o

Sheik your auhs, Zeldee, just like the taunt of Wario-o

Fox and smash, Zeldee, yeah, that's what we'll do-o

Sheik your auhs, Zeldee, just like the taunt of Wario-o

Everyone sat there silently, but as soon as Dedede started to leave, everyone started clapping.

"Look at that soft-hearted song!" Said Fox.

Zelda sat there in shock, but a good kind of shock.

"SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT AUHS IS!" Screamed Ness.

Everyone proceeded to dash out the doors.

Ness was then left alone in his messy, dark and empty diner.

"At least, Olimar ate the fried pikmin. I wonder if he knew."

Screaming was heard that night in Olimar's room. Little did he know, it was actually Little Tubby who was fried.

How was that possible? The lotion either wore off or the authors decided to take matters into their own hands.

The next day, Ness was still confused about just what exactly auhs was. Just as he was going around to ask people, Pit approached him.

"It's simple, it's just Shua backwards."

"What is Shua?"

 **Author(s)' Note: I wasn't the one who wrote the new song lyrics. Ask WolfieJones about it.**


	2. Furries and Paintings

**Author(s)' Note: A fun piece of information for the story; All the events that are written throughout the chapters are based on true stories. Have fun knowing these things did happen.**

Chapter 2 - "Furries and Paintings"

Just as Ness was in his room, preparing to open up his shop, Toon Link entered.

"Can I have coupon?"

"Here. But wait, what is S-"

Ness was interrupted when he saw what Toon Link was drawing on his tablet.

"Is that furry art?"

Toon Link blushed. He then suddenly tried sprinting out the door. Unfortunately, Lucas locked it before he could run out.

"Is that gay weeb furry art?" Asked Lucas.

It was a suggestive anime fan art of Fox.

"I'm submitting it for a... contest?"

"No. You're a furry." Said Lucas.

Fox knocked on the door. Lucas then let him in.

"Hey, furry. What's that?"

"Nothing..?" Replied Toon Link.

But his lie was no use, his tablet was open on a fan art of Fox showing his gun to Wolf. He tried deleting all of his fanart, but he apparently posted many of them online. Since his account was popular, all they had to do was search for him there.

"Hey, Kirby, look at this." Said Wolf.

"Poyo?" (Hmm?)

It was a highly suggestive, weeb fan art of Falco stroking Fox's ray gun, followed by a fanfic.

Kirby didn't say anything, but instead walked away while trying to forget what he had just saw.

"HYAAAAH!" (What IS THIS!?)

Another fan art of Fox, stroking Toon Link's hair, saying "Happy Birthday Toon Link!!!".

"You could've just asked. When was your birthday, anyway?" Said Fox.

A tear fell from Toon Link's eye to his tablet, showing a fan art of Fox crying, kissing an unconcious Wolf.

"Are you really that obssessed with me? Surely my fanbase couldn't be that bad..."

"Check the Internet for yourself."

Ness opened his shop that day, showing featured paintings.

"Poyo?" (What?)

It was a picture of Wolf being devoured by Kirby.

Next picture was what appeared to be Kirby giving birth to Ness. Or rather, laying an egg. He took that picture down and hid it in a bush somewhere, so nobody would find it.

"Guys, I found something!" Yelled Lucas.

He then put up that picture on his wall that night. Then, Ness came to look at it. He thought that at this time, everyone is asleep.

"IS HE YOUR DAD?!" Screamed Lucas, now awake.

Ness sighed and left.

He then woke up the next morning in his restaurant, with Toon Link knocking on the door outside.

"What do you want?"

"Is Samus here?"

"No. Why?"

Samus stepped into the scene.

"I'm a fan of his work, and I make requests."

Toon Link then pulled out of Duck Hunt Dog and her "playing" with each other.

"Oh." Said Ness.

Samus then asked Ness, "Is Kirby really your father?"

"No. I think it's me." Meta Knight said, appearing out of nowhere, obviously high on something.

"What?" Said Ness.

"Yep. I penetrated your mother like a rock. Hard." Said Meta Knight. "I still have your eggshell. Do you want it?"

"I don't know how to feel anymore." Said Ness, quoting one of our authors too.

It was at that moment, when everyone died inside.

Meta Knight then realized what he said. He then mysteriously disappeared as he appeared.

"I'm still confused. Does that mean that my sister also hatched from an egg?" Said Ness.

"I can see someone making a theory about that online."

"You're still a gay weeb furry."

Ness then ran back home and destroyed that Kirby giving birth painting. Burning it. That left everyone else to look at the rest of the photos.

First, however, it felt like they needed to raid the kitchen, just to taste Ness's cooking.

"Guys, what is happening?" Asked Ness.

"Is putting sauce on already cooked food considered cooking?"

"Yeah?"

"Well then, what is incestous sauce?"

The two ice climbers then left the kitchen.

"Eggplant?"

"Ok?"

"Blood?"

"What? No..."

Everyone left the kitchen because they started feeling sick.

Ness decides to sleep his worries.

But Ness woke up because of the noise he was hearing.

"What the?"

It was Fox, with Lucas leaning on his shoulder, drawing fan art.

"It's late. Let's sleep." Said Lucas.

Suddenly, they noticed Ness watching them.

"Uh, hi?"

Ness left the room.

 **Author(s)' Note: We were looking through a friend's Ipad and saw a bunch of furry drawings (our inspiration)**


	3. What Color is This?

**Author(s)' Note: It's christmas break for us, so chapter 5 will be put on hold for a bit. Chapter 4 will be uploaded though.**

Chapter 3 - "What Color is This?"

"It's Pink!"

"Blue!"

"No, it's Red!"

"Did someone call me?" Yelled Red.

Inside the restaurant, Ness, Lucas, Villager, Kirby and Olimar were fighting over what color a chip bag was.

The chip bag appeared to be half blue, and half of a red-ish color.

Suddenly, Toon Link entered the restaurant.

"I saw a sign outside that said K.K.K. What is that?"

"Kool Kids Klub. Very private."

"Sounds dumb."

"Well, to be fair-"

"Shut it."

Toon Link then saw the chip bag and said, "Can I have some?"

"Tell me what color it is first."

"Maroon."

"It's red."

Suddenly, Mario entered the restaurant.

"What color is he then?" Asked Lucas.

"Green." Said Toon Link.

"No, jeez. Who would want a green Mario?" Said Olimar.

Luigi entered the store, sobbing.

"You guys are my closest friends. Can you help me?" Asked Luigi.

"Poyo?" (Who is he again?)

"I guess, he's the green Mario, I think." Said Ness.

"What do you want?" Asked Mario.

"Alph called me lime."

"What?"

"He said I'm the color lime. I'm obviously darker than that."

"I don't see anything wrong with that."

"I'M NOT LIME!"

Luigi ran out of the restaurant.

"THIS CHIP BAG IS STILL RED!"

"Okay, let's bet. If more people around the mansion say it's red, you have to work for Dedede for a day. If more say it's of a different color, you can ship me and Lucas." Said Ness.

"Wait, what?" Said Lucas.

"Okay."

Then they set out to gather votes about what color it was.

"Hey, Luigi. What color is this?"

Luigi started crying, again.

Meanwhile with the blue team...

"Poyo-po-yo?" (Can you make an ad for us blue?)

"Okay." Replied Dedede.

That evening, Luigi saw an ad.

"Are you pink, fat, overrated, everyone wanting you nerfed and believe the color of this chip bag is blue?" Said the announcer.

"What?" Said Luigi.

"Well, if you're him, [censored by TV] you. It's color red."

"What's happening?"

"HAHA! GOT YA KIRBAY!" Said Dedede.

Luigi went out of his room, thinking he'd need rest from this color debate, but the outside was filled with posters of different colors.

"This is bad."

Then, Rosalina and Zelda were walking by.

"Are you gonna see the Ness Lucas v. Kirby Olimar debate? I voted red."

"Well of course I am. I, too, voted red..." Said Rosalina.

He was bummed out though. He actually voted silver.

The debate took place later that night. It was treated like an actual important event, complete with an audience. They were all cheering for their respective votes.

And it ended in a roasting competition.

"You don't know anything about blue 'cause your pink."

"OOOOOOOH!"

"Poyo."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

"Ow. That actually hurt." Said Ness.

"Sorry."

"Oh, so the spaceman says sorry?"

"Oh?" Said the audience.

"Well, who wins?" Said the announcer.

"SILVER!"

"What? I won?" Asked Luigi.

Unfortunately, the winner was Dedede, who stole Luigi's idea.

"The interior of the chip bag is completely colored silver. Dedede wins!"

"Why does this always happen?"

Luigi cried in his bed that night, alone. The KKK club got free food and drinks too.

The next day, they saw Lucas pour the cereal before the milk.

"You're supposed to put the milk first."

"Cereal."

To this day, the authors are still arguing what goes first, or what color that chip bag was.

 **Author(s)' Note: I put the cereal first... (and I personally hate bread. I only eat rice.) What is your opinion on these debates? Let us know!**


	4. At 8 PM

**Author(s)' Note: The break will be over soon, so you don't have to wait much longer for a new chapter. And,**

 **Merry Christmas!**

Chapter 4 - "At 8 PM"

What are some of the smashers up to right now?

8:00 PM

Villager was tuning a radio. He turned the knob precisely 118 to the right. A soft female-ish voice was heard.

The radio channel happens to be a 24/7 ASMR radio studio.

He decides to change it after hearing five minutes of Dedede breathing. Suddenly,

"VOTE MILK BEFORE CEREAL!!!"

"AAAAH!"

"Vote "milk before cereal" now before the debate."

"I thought this was over."

On the other side of the mansion was Pit. He was making a DIY shelf made out of boards for his books on flying. Meanwhile, Dark Pit was roleplaying with himself.

"GAME ON!" Screamed Dark Pit.

"IT'S GAME OVER, FOR YOU!" Screamed Dark Pit trying to imitate Pit with a high-pitched voice.

"SHUT UP!" Yelled Pit.

He then started to stack books on top of the boards to get them to stick together, as he had no budget for actual tools.

8:15 PM

Zelda was texting Dedede.

Zelda: toon links drawings r gay

Dedede: i used to look at toon links drawings

Zelda: so u used to be gay?

Dedede: no

Pit: DEDEDE USED TO BE GAAY??

Dedede: wait no

Pit: yall forgot that this was a groupchat

"Dammit Pit." Said Dedede.

Meanwhile, Toon Link woke up from a deep sleep.

"Let's check the groupchat."

"AUHS, ZELDEE, AUHS, ZELDE-"

"I woke up to this?"

Toon Link decides to go out and get some coffee from the kitchen.

Suddenly, Toon Link saw Dark Pit eating a sandwich alone in the fridge.

"...Can I have some?"

"AAAAAAH!"

Olimar then fell out of the cupboard, with carrots in his mouth.

"How many others are here?" Said Toon Link.

"Hey guys! I found a homemade cardboard bottle rocket bazooka, and a surfboard." Said Ness.

"Try it?" Replied Dark Pit

"Do we have any bottle rockets though?"

Villager then came out of nowhere.

"I've got one, even with a firecracker."

"YES!"

Meanwhile, Lucas watched in the background, sitting on the couch with the face of terror.

That's mine. How did they find it? He thought.

So all the smashers in the kitchen went outside to try out their new toy. They put dry ice into the bottle rocket and put it into the bazooka.

"5... 4... 3... 2-"

Dedede heard some explosion that night. He was busy texting Zelda when it happened.

"Well, The road's dented now." Said Ness.

8:30 PM

Dark Pit was trying to sleep, but Zelda, Rosalina and Peach decided to play on his PC.

"This game looks terrifying." Said Zelda.

Suddenly, a cockroach appeared in the game.

"AAAAH!"

"Stop grabbing my hand, I can't play the game!"

"I WASN'T SCARED, JUST SURPRISED!"

Dark Pit was bothered by all this. He wanted to play Truth or Dare, not this.

8:45 PM

Now that the girls have left, Dark Pit was showering while regular Pit was putting on his skin lotion.

"I am in love with your brother, and that brother is you!" Said Dark Pit, obviously roleplaying again.

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" Yelled regular Pit.

No reply was heard after that.

8:50 PM

"Do you hear whistling outside the door, Ness?" Asked Lucas.

Outside was a faint whistle of a jingle.

"Yeah. It sounds like that jingle from the "Vote Blue" commercial." Said Ness.

"Should we investigate?"

Suddenly, Ness locked the door. He glared at Lucas.

"No."

"I think I see a ghost now."

"Stop it."

"Is that your mom?"

"Why are you like this?"

"I feel evil because I am evil."

9:00 PM

"Waaaah!"

Luigi was crying alone in his bed.

9:10 PM

"Why won't the WiFi work? I can't text Zelda without it." Said Dedede.

Dedede went out to find Master Hand, but unfortunately they weren't able to fix the WiFi. So, he just decided to visit Zelda's room. When he got there, she was with Olimar.

"What are you doing without me?"

"I called Olimar to fix the WiFi in my room."

"Oh."

9:20 PM

"SAKURAI'S COMING HERE?" Screamed Dedede.

"What? No." Said Olimar.

 **Author(s)' Note: When you have an 8 year old sibling, It's hard not to get some inspiration for writing.**


	5. The Gang's Party

**Author(s)' Note: Yay! Chapter 5 is finally here... This is short, but we'll get to making longer ones soon.**

Chapter 5: "The Gang's Party"

"It's my birthday!" Screamed Olimar.

However, nobody was there to greet him, or even say hi.

Suddenly, the rest of the KKK members ran to him.

"Where do you want to go for your birthday?!!!!"

"To the van! We're going to Wuhu Island!"

The van was just the one that everyone always used. They got in, but soon found themselves crammed inside.

"Why are you all in underwear?"

"The beach."

"Oh."

"Yep."

The van started moving, and for a few minutes, it was just quiet, until Toon Link asked "Wait, who's driving this thing if we're all in the back seats?"

"The van can drive itself."

"Guys, can I connect to the Bluetooth?"

"Sure, Oli."

Olimar then played a playlist with "Sheik Your Auhs" repeating thirty times in a row.

"Why?"

"Because it makes me Sheik."

"What?"

"It's dirty."

A few more minutes of just silence passed by, with the same song replaying over and over again. Suddenly, the song changed into an original composition. It sounded okay. The song was called "Longitudinal Compression".

"Looongitudinal, compression, rarefaction, transversal... This is all a mistakeee..."

"Is that supposed to be educational?" Asked Ness.

"I think so?"

Suddenly, the song changed back to "Sheik Your Auhs".

But Ness changed it back to "Longitudinal Compression" with use of telekinessis.

"You can hack someone's phone?"

"Yes. Using telekinessis."

"What?"

"Bazinga."

Everyone started laughing.

I know, this story sucks.

Later...

"We're here!"

They originally thought of going to the beach, but saw an arcade instead. So, they just went there to spend all their money.

"Hey, guys. Y'all want some cash?"

Olimar then gave each one of them $500.

But they played the game called "Begone Thot" which costs $5. Then they used the rest of their money on the karaoke machine.

Lucas sang "Sheik Your Auhs". Just for Olimar. His singing was actually good, but was so quiet, that the score he got was 0.

"Why?"

He killed himself, but only used one of his many stocks.

Eventually, they all got bored and went to the video game store.

"Since Olimar isn't here, let's buy him a Goomba amiibo."

While they were buying, they saw this Hi Speed Vacuum Cleaner called Roomba.

So they bought both. They all wasted their money on the two items. They were about to leave as soon as Olimar texted.

"WHERE ALL ARE YOU"

"WAIT!!"

Olimar went in the van.

10 km far from the Arcade. They ran out of gas. So they used Roomba to pull the van. It took them what seemed like forever to return.

After a while, they got tired of waiting, so instead, they called Sonic to help.

As soon as Sonic was starting to pull it, they all went at the speed of light. This caused all of them to die and lose another stock.

They all respawned back at the mansion.

"Well I guess that works too, but where did Roomba go?"

"You actually liked that thing?"

"Wait..."

"Look at the christmas tree!"

As soon as they looked at the christmas tree, they saw Roomba destroyed It.

Although Christmas is over, the smashers were simply too lazy to remove all the wonderful decor they set up. Somehow, the vacuum survived and was completely fine.

"It is a Hi Speed Vacuum Cleaner."

"Why does it give me weird thoughts?"

"BEGONE THOUGHTS!"

Later, it seemed that everyone really liked Roomba. Whenever it was in the halls, they would all say hi, and a bad pun after.

"Hi, Speed!" Said Alph.

"Hey Speed, Cleaner." Said Olimar.

"Hello Fast, clean and mean."

Master Hand took note of the vacuum and decided to give it a new place other than the closet.

"So you're saying it will get it's own room... ba?" Said Pit.

"What even is "ba"?" Said Master Hand.

Pit just dabbed.

 **Author(s)' Note: That last pun was in the context of 'real' Taglish.**


	6. 55: You Called?

**Author(s)' Note: A half-chapter!**

Chapter 5.5: You Called?

"I'm Dedede. And you're watching Channel DDD!"

Dedede proceeds to spend five minutes drawing his logo.

"Yes! I finally got it to work!" Said Ness, who just managed to install a TV in his restaurant.

"This morning's report: You may have seen Roomba around lately. The new rule is to say a bad pun every time you see it."

Ness then put up a sign saying: "No Roombas".

"I hate that thing. Pun after pun, laugh track after laugh track. It's the spawn of the devil."

He then screamed.

"BEGONE BOT!"

Olimar then entered.

"Bots? Where?"

"I was talking about the Roomba."

"Didn't you buy it?"

"I don't want to be linked to that thing."

Suddenly, Link entered the store.

"HYAH!" (You called?)

"WHAT'S WITH Y'ALL OF YOUR WEIRD NAMES?!"

"Who names their kid Ness?"

"Who names their kid, Roomba?"

"What?"

Suddenly, the Roomba entered the store, with Rob.

"He said,you called?" Said Rob.

"STOP CALLING, AND YOU AREN'T ALLOWED HERE! BEGONE BOT!"

"Beep."

"What did he say?" Said Ness.

"Nothing, it was just a beep." Said Olimar.

Suddenly, Mr. Game Watch and says: "Ya need oil?"

"At least it wasn't a 'You called?'.

Ness then thought, hmm, maybe this bot can get me business.

"Hey, you didn't say a bad pun."

"DO YOU WANT SOME FOOD?"


	7. Battle of Swords

**Author(s)'s Note: Originally, this was chapter 8. But since chronological order doesn't really matter in this chapter, We're putting this part first.**

Chapter 6: "Battle of Swords"

"This is just a chocolate bar." Said Lucina.

"It has a much better name. Instead of calling it a regular chocolate bar, we call it, a Marth Bar!"

"Uh, ok. Also, isn't there a department store named "Lowell" or something? Can we sell it there?"

"What?! Who's Lowell?! Ahaha!"

"Isn't your surname, Lowell?"

"Ahaha! Of course not."

"You aren't fooling anyone, Marth."

"What? I can't hear ya."

"Nevermind, let's just go ask Ness if he can allow us to sell at his shop."

Later...

"No."

"Why not?!"

"Because I said so. Feel free to sell next to the shop, though."

As they walked out, they decided just to start selling their "Marth bars" just next to Nesslays. Their thing was actually pretty successful, so far.

"Why is your business profiting?" Asked Ness.

"Maybe because people want chocolate bars?"

"Maybe since you have lots of profit, you could expand that pitiful excuse of a shop."

Their "shop" was actually just a small table with a fan blowing to prevent the chocolate bars from melting.

Meta Knight then appeared and said, "Maybe you should stop saying 'maybe'.

"Sure then."

"Could I buy one?"

"Yeah, go ahead. It's only 5 smash coins."

"I'll buy three for ten."

"You know what, because you're one of my fellow swordsmen, I'll give you a discount."

"10 coins for everything."

"Thanks!" Then, Meta Knight disappeared.

"Let's all give discounts to everyone."

"I think a better idea would be just to give discounts to all the sword wielders."

"Ok, let's do that."

Later that day, everyone borrowed a sword of their own from Meta Knight after hearing about the discounts. Then they all proceeded to get a chocolate bar from Marth. There was now a long line of smashers.

"Wait, where did everyone get their swords?" Asked Marth.

"Eh, nowhere." Replied Lucina.

"Well, most got theirs from Meta Knight, but a friend let me borrow his." Said Ness, who was in the front of the line.

"Okay, to confirm that you guys are swordsmen, y'all are gonna have a sword fight with each other."

"Sounds like a good idea."

"No, wait!" Said Olimar, who's sword was too heavy for him.

"I always have mine with me, but I never use it in battle." Said Ganondorf.

After setting up the place for dueling, Link and Dedede started. Naturally, Link won, but just barely. Projectiles weren't allowed, and nobody would need to use their recovery, as they were on a completely flat stage.

"The king always wins! ...Link, can you please buy me a Marth bar with your discount thing?"

"HYAH!" (No.)

"Another sword fight then?"

In the next round, it was Olimar and Ike. For a while it looked like Ike was going to win, but then Olimar somehow managed to pick up his sword and he dropped it on Ike's foot. When that happened, Ike flew off the stage due to it's weight.

"Hacks!"

"What? I won?"

"HOW HEAVY IS THAT SWORD?!"

"Well, in that case, I'll let both of you have the discount, since I know Ike is a real swordsman."

"Then what was the point of that match?"

"I just wanna see you guys fight."

There was no reply heard from anyone.

The next fight was Fox vs. Pac-Man. Because neither knew how to use a sword, the match took forever to finish. Eventually, it became sudden death. Bombs started falling out of the sky, but both successfully avoided them. Everyone was tired of waiting, so they just ended the match there.

"None of you get a discount because that was totally boring."

Next, was Ness and Kirby. The puffball was just using his Sword ability, and so far he was winning.

"Poyo!" (I thought you were level 50, Ness.)"

"I'm actually level 99..."

"Poyo-poyo-po." (Oh.)

"Well you're hacking!"

With that, he just ran off to the side blast zone of the stage.

"None of you get a discount, either." Said Marth.

"That fight was alight."

Many matches later, the winners were given discounts everytime they bought a chocolate bar. Then, you had everyone else constantly begging them to buy extra.

"This reminds of my school days." Said Ness.

In the background, Toon Link was trying to get to the kitchen on the other side of the mansion, but Lucas kept holding on to his leg, asking him for Marth bars.

"Please? Please? Please?"

"No, no, and lastly, NO!"

"My mother never got me any..."

Toon Link suddenly felt bad for refusing, so he had to go buy some. Once Toon Link gave Lucas a bar, he grabbed the bar with his mouth and ran off.

"Hey, thanks!"

Toon Link then wondered if he was okay.

 **Author(s)' Note: We like Mars bars. Why not? It was also Marth's japanese-translated name.**


	8. Chinese New Year Special

**Author(s)' Note: Presenting a special for Chinese New Year, and not Valentine's day! I already gave you guys one. Also, from this chapter and onwards, A new writer will be joining us... great?**

Chapter 9: Chinese New Year Special

"What year is it?" Asked Meta Knight.

"Chinese." Said Villager.

"So we eat the Duck Hunt dog now?"

"No."

"I don't know, ask Ryu. He looks kind of asian?"

The two then told everyone about their new holiday. Of course, to get out of regular work, they agreed with it. A few minutes later, you had Corrin running around scaring everyone by turning into a dragon.

"Roar."

"KYAH!" Said Zelda.

Zelda, due to reflex, accidentally sets off a confetti cannon she was holding, and now there's glitter and scraps of red and yellow paper all over the floor.

Meanwhile, Dedede was watching while shaking his head in disappointment.

"Congratulations for surviving this year."

"And I hope you survive the next... but it's more likely you won't."

Everyone who was there suddenly remembered Little Tubby, as he just didn't make it.

"Can you cook Villager?"

"Well I'll try, if I can."

"This is bad."

"Why do you care?"

"Anyway, how do we cook them?"

"What about butter, sugar, and EGGS." Said Dedede, who was holding two eggs.

"Not funny."

Because of too much talking, they did not think of how Dedede got those.

"Anyway, where did he get those eggs?"

"Yoshi?"

"Uh... nope."

"You're a penguin, you should know."

Duck Hunt dog suddenly started barking for no reason.

"Uh, I'm going to the kitchen to... cook some stuff?"

"Wait!" Zelda said, still holding the confetti cannon. "Do you even know how to cook anything?"

But it was too late, he was already cooking eggs.

"That isn't even a Chinese new year thing!"

"Does anybody have cabbage?"

"3 Smash Coins." Said Dedede.

"No."

Dedede didn't understand why he was rejected. As he was walking down the hallway, he saw the villagers filming a video.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAH!" Screamed one of them.

"Guys, why don't we just get Corrin to be the dragon?"

Corrin,meanwhile, was wrecking everything with a hat he found but while doing that, he accidentally spilled paint all over him.

Later...

They finished cooking the Confetti-flavored tikoy when suddenly, Kirby entered the room with a dragon tail poking out of his mouth.

"What did you do with-"

Kirby then spits out the dragon that stole the tikoy and flies out the window.

"Was that Corrin?"

"No. That was a red dragon. Corrin's white remember?"

Suddenly, a villager runs in the room with a firework cannon.

"WHERE'S NIAN?!!"

"Who?"

"NIAN! THE DRAGON!"

"Oh you mean the-"

"Shut up, Dedede."

"Uhh guys?"

"WHAT?!!"

"The dog is gone."

"Who cares?"

Suddenly they heard a howl followed by a roar.

"IT CAME FROM OUTSIDE! FOLLOW ME!" The villager screamed while a crowd of villagers carrying lanterns and fireworks followed him. Apparently, they summoned the dragon while recording their video.

"What do we do now that the tikoy is gone? Kirby's starving and so is everyone else."

Meanwhile...

"I was only going to take some tikoy..." Nian said.

"Kill it?"

"Use red colored stuff and loud noise?"

Then, Red appeared.

"No, we need fairy Pokemon!"

"That's not going to help. Nian's immortal, you see?"

"Yeah, just like Arceus."

"Let's just go with the red stuff." Ness said, holding up Red.

"Uhh...rar? I am Red...?"

"NO PLEASE! I'LL GIVE IT BACK!"

So Nian just gave back the tikoy and left.

"Hen hao." Ness says before spitting the somewhat stale tikoy.

"Uhh... Bye." Red said before disappearing.

 **Author(s)' Note: We're Asian, we understand these things. Nian is the new year dragon.**


	9. Daughter

Chapter 8 - "Daughter"

It started last week when Dedede had a stupid idea.

"We need to do something other than fighting." Said Master Hand.

"A play?"

"Well..."

"Yes."

And so they started planning.

"Those at the bottom of the tier list, make props. By the way, you're not getting credited. Luigi, you get to be the extra backup actor."

"But..." Said Luigi.

"No."

Luigi didn't understand why.

"Those in the middle, are singers. I don't care if you suck or not. Top tiers get to be the actors. Also, we need one person who will be the backstage guy. Any volunteers?"

Of course, they pushed Olimar.

"Do I get to be credited?"

"Of course not."

"Oh, okay."

Kirby was getting nervous because he had to do a solo, but he sucked.

"Poyo?" ( Can I pick a new song? )

"No. Go away."

"Any of you can do origami?"

Nobody could.

"Luigi! Learn how to make origami and come back to me with forty flowers in 45 minutes."

"That's not enough ti-"

"Shut up and work."

Luigi started slaving away. Suddenly, he got an idea.

"200 smash coins for each flower."

"Nevermind."

The rest started making a plot for the play.

"It should be about how much we hate Luigi with music."

"He should fall out of a tree and die."

"Yes."

"No." Said Luigi.

But it was no use, the director was Dedede.

"We must finish this in three days."

"Isn't that too short of a time limit?"

"Shut."

Two days later...

"You guys ready?"

"No!?"

"Just try your best?"

So they started their final practices.

"He was a nice son. You should have spent more time with him."

"... She's my daughter."

"Sorry, I think I'm at the wrong grave."

"Luigi's the daughter?"

"The real actor couldn't make it, and Luigi is the extra."

"Oh."

"Am I being credited?"

"No."

At the final performance, it went almost as good as the practices. The tree instead fell on top of Luigi rather than the other way around.

Luigi lost a stock, sadly. Probably because they got Villager to plant the trees there in the first place.

"I hate my life." Said Luigi.

As everyone was getting called up for credits, Luigi was in the background drawing sad faces on the wall.


End file.
